I want you to pause and reflect on two distinct moments in your life. The first moment is a time when you felt genuinely confident. Take a moment to remember what you were doing at that time. Try to recall the circumstances around you. What was the situation? How did it make you feel? You likely felt a sense of self-assuredness, an inner strength, and a belief in your capabilities.
Now, think about a contrasting moment, a time when you were pretending to be confident but deep inside you felt the exact opposite. You were "faking it". What was happening during this time? How did you feel internally compared to your outward appearance?
This comparison can shed light on the stark difference between genuine confidence and the mere illusion of it, helping you to better understand the unique feelings associated with each.
True confidence doesn't bloom from pretence; it comes from genuine action and achievements. It's like a muscle - the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.
The Pitfalls of "Fake It Until You Make It":
While "fake it until you make it" could provide an initial boost or act as a crutch, it's far from the perfect solution. The notion of pretending or acting in a way that's far from your true self is contrary to the essence of confidence.
Pretending might even undermine your confidence, making you feel anxious and less secure. This can then show into your actions, sending those subtle false signals that people pick up on.
One of the main issues that comes from this is imposter syndrome, a feeling of being a fraud that's not truly competent or deserving of success. This can lead to additional stress and anxiety. When you're constantly pretending to be something you're not, it can be mentally exhausting. It creates a vicious cycle of fear and doubt.
You might manage to put on a brave face, but the internal conflict could still be apparent.
Confidence as a Muscle: The Power of Action:
If we view confidence as a muscle, we realise it becomes stronger with action. Confidence is built through concrete achievements, real work, and taking calculated risks. It's about trying, making mistakes, learning, and persevering, not just appearing as if you're trying.
In their book, "The Confidence Code," Katty Kay and Claire Shipman emphasise the importance of action. They suggest doing one small brave thing - then the next one will seem easier, and gradually, confidence will flow.
Coaching can be a great catalyst in this process. A coach can guide and empower you, providing the support you need to take that first brave step and to keep going. Coaching is all about getting someone to act. As a coach, your job is to guide and support from the sidelines, not to do the work for them. Your role is to give them the confidence and the tools they need to take action themselves. The real success for a coach is seeing their client make decisions, face challenges, and achieve their goals.
Bottomline:
While "faking it" might provide a temporary lift, genuine confidence is borne from action. It’s about stepping out of your comfort zone, facing your fears, and growing stronger with every experience.
So the next time you're faced with a challenging situation, resist the temptation to merely fake it. Instead, take action. Engage in that difficult task. Make that daunting decision. It’s through such steps that you build your confidence muscle.
The path to true confidence may not be as catchy as "fake it till you make it," but it works. And, it's a journey worth undertaking.